I’m here in Madrid with Kim and Lisa and I’m lost.

Not geographically. Don’t worry.

Any confusion or uncertainty in my life is usually dealt with by writing. Excuse me while I crap on here, I don’t think anyone is waching anyway.

I think it was in Platoon when the guys in the army compare days in service. Day 200. Or whatever. This has been happening to me a lot. I’m comparing days on the road with people I’m meeting everywhere. Lots of people are a the 9 month mark actually.

How do people do it? Ben and I have been wondering what we will be by 7 months. There’s a look in the eye that those people have. I’m not sure I want to be like that.

So, Paul Kelly was wrong, every fucking city does not actually look the same, but they are pretty similar. Madrid has been boring. Barcelona was also so-so. I’m eating crap I can buy anywhere. I’m seeing some cool stuff, but when you get to 6 months plus, you have to wonder, what are these people running from?

I’m wondering what I’m running from. Sure there’s a lot to see and a lot to learn. But the ‘lot to see’ bit can be deflated by the fact I’m gong to the UK. I’ve never been and there’s plenty to see. As for learning… I’ve never had too much trouble getting most of where I am, wherever that is.

So why not just keep going? There was a sign in Copenhagen. DO IT ANYWAY. But this is not something that’s lasting. These hostel people, we don’t meet locals. We interlope. We use the toilets, eat the food, sleep in the beds, but on a course different from living somewhere. Someimes, i wonder if I could just watch it on TV.

I have had some amazing moments, sure. In some places I’ve realised taking a photo is stupid, what I see just cannot be captured. But some definitely can. I’m feeling like a fake and a bum. You know that scene in Pulp Fiction?

I guess what I’m saying is that I might just get on with it. I wanted to write. To finish this fucking novel. But I don’t have time. Maybe it’ just an excuse. Who knows. It’s on my mind. This aimless travelling isn’t actually getting me anywhere. And I’ve always felt like I’m heading somewhere.

The Bob Ellis idea of a witness is magnified. I’m everyone’s witness. I know them for three days, I know a city for three days, and that’s it. And things I want to do…take French lessons, take a writing course, I’m just putting it off to go to, oh I don’t kow, Prague or some shit.

You know I’ve been told so many times, boy you gotta grow you some roots.

That’s my state of mind.


ps. there are signs in Barcelona that say ‘Taxi’ but have a picture of a bus.

So some thinking coming up soon.

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