Author Archives: danny

My final post. For Beth.

I saw Peter Tork of the Monkees tonight. He performed with his band, the Shoe Suede Blues, and it’s not just a silly pun. You can tell he is a man in love with the blues. And also, in love with music.

I had a long talk about beliefs with Beth a while ago, and it’s been on my mind. To the point where I came up with my perfect epitaph – “I’m A Believer.” I want it on record that when I leave this world that I want that written under my name and place of birth.

Let’s look at that phrase. It’s synonymous with one of the great pop songs of all time. And pop music is something I have believed in all my life. It captures me, inspires me, warms me and thrills me. Even tonight, in the Notting Hill rain, I passed a record shop and looked in the window, and stared at a copy of the Shins record on vinyl.

“I’m A Believer” is also one of the greatest love songs of all time. One of the great downbeat-verses-then-euphoric-choruses. The man has been saved. And love, and love songs, has also played a huge part in my life. Love in all it’s different meanings…friends, family, women, strangers and country. And more.

Lastly, there is the word Believer. I definitely am one. I use no facts to shape the way I live my life. I just believe. In music, in fate, in love and in life. I just do. With no basis. I would have made a great religious zealot if someone had got to me early. Someone other than the Beatles.

So I’m thinking about all these things. It’s coming up on Valentines day, and I realised that love is an unexplainable thing, and I live in a life that tries to explain it. I’ve written love songs, and I’ve listened to them all my life. My job is, essentially, to get more love songs out there. But they take tinted photos of love. It’s not real, and it never is. Paul Kelly once sang… “I’ve never heard a love song yet/That I can call yours and mine.” I think it’s because none exist. If you can describe what makes you love a person, in any definition of the word love, then it’s not love.

Same, in many ways, with death. There is a dictionary definition, but it’s also inexplicable. I could write forever about those two topics, and you will never, ever, see it my way. Which is why this blog is ending. I’ve realised that leaving a record of my thoughts here, for the public, is a hopeless idea. I could never describe to you the things I see, the way I’ve felt. It’s mine and it will never be yours.

The other reason is the excitement is over. I started this blog because my life was at a point where there were things to write about. It was a time to write a diary, because every day was different. Now it’s not the case, as days bleed into eachother and I fall back into a rhythm of regular life.

So it’s time, again, to let it go. Send me an email if you want to hear from me. But none of my life will be on here for public record again. You’ll never get it. And it’s not that interesting anyway. And the past, Australia, is far away. I’m sure I’ll keep in touch with many of you as I have done, but this has to stop.

We should be ashamed to think we know what we talk about when we talk about love. Or life. Or death. Or anything. But on the other hand – I’m a believer. I believe in all those things, without facts, on pure faith and just, you know, something to believe in. Just to keep going. So I’ll believe, and not feel ashamed.

Peter Tork played I’m A Believer tonight, to a small crowd, because he is still drawn to it. He still wants to play music. He still believes. I do too.

Danny Yau
London

So allow me to reassure everyone that despite appearances (or the last post), I am doing very fine. I have days like that in my head all the time. I just never had a blog before. If there is something to worry about I’ll let you know.

So, it’s the weekend again. The days are just flying by. To misquote Lou Reed “My year is better than your week.” I’m back in routineville.

But routineville aint bad. The weather, the first thing anyone here talks about, has been great. Sunny skies…I even pulled out the old sunglasses today. Nick of Nick-and-Dave-from-Paris fame is back and crashing at mine. Next week we have a bunch of visitors – Alicia, Davey and Kath.

Got a great cheap denim jacket today, along with a stack of old Mojo magazines. I’ve never even seen ones this early before. I love Mojo magazine. I watched the not-as-bad-as-I-thought movie Notting Hill, and you know, that’s my friggin hood. Also managed to catch up with a few people on MSN, Skype and iChat. Robert, I hope you are proud of me.

And work is going great, but supremely busy. But a friend sent me a link where someone noticed something I did and it was quite flattering. I am recorded in world history for something I did. Look. Let me have my moment.

It’s going to be a fun, busy few weeks to round out the month. I’m VERY behind in my writing and my reading. But you have to live as well.

One last thing. Happy Waitangi Day everyone. I heard rumours of the scale of the thing here in London but all I can say is I was impressed. I walked out into the street today and was greeted by thousands of black t-shirts, loving life. It was great. And it went well to my current re-obsession with all things Finn brothers.

Danny

So, I might as well be honest.

This weekend has been kind of crappy. And I can’t quite put my finger on it. Just general bottled up frustrations. Crappy Australia Day. Work is very busy. Can’t seem to find a better place to live. Worried about this. Worried about that. Getting angry just looking at the face of strangers. Big existential doubts. Missing people. And places. And travelling. It just led to a low ebb this week.

Which is the best time to write, really.

I spent some time this weekend just wandering around. I’ve got my favourite walk down pat. Start at Starbucks on Kensington Church Street. Buy a coffee (Grande Latte) and a muffin (Classic Blueberry usually, although yesterday I got Chocolate Chip). Walk past Kensington Palace, home of Princess Di, into Kensington Gardens past the high school sports teams and curse myself for getting that stupid muffin, as muffins are not really designed to be one handed meals.

Take a slight detour past the pond and use the bin there to throw away the muffin cup paper squiggly wrapping thing and the paper bag. Light up a cigarette and both coffee and smoke should be done by the time you reach the bins and exit near Lancaster Gate. From here you can trundle on for twenty or so minutes to Soho or jump on the tube.

So nothing frustrates me more than nothing. I’m supposed to be writing but I haven’t really been in the mood and my writing space is a bit blergh. I need some clothes but I don’t know what to get. I’ve got all these half things that I’m putting off, waiting for something I don’t know.

Anyway, all this rambling IS leading somewhere. It sets up quite nicely the mood I was in as I got to Soho today, nominally to look for a present for a friend. And I remembered that since 16 I had an outlet for my stress, my frustrations, my creative energies and my whimsy.

So I bought a £200 guitar.

It’s a ¾ sized Art and Lutherie, a Canadian company. It’s blue, making it look both odd and a bit like a toy. I was trying to think of something small and blue to name it after and I’ve pretty much settled to the emotionally crippled, manic depressive that is Charlie Brown.

Got out the old notepad today and I pretty much finished one song and got most of the way through a second. And it feels good. Also managed to do some recording on Garage Band. Exciting is not the word I would use to describe it, more just comfortable. I should have gotten one earlier. Everyone needs a talisman, or a security blanket.

I’m going to go work out the chords to Bread’s Make It With You now.

Meet Charlie Brown

Danny

UPDATED: 31st Jan

Ha. Sometimes I surprise myself with my own multi-layered genius. The first and most famous security blanket of them all belongs to Linus van Pelt, also from Peanuts. How apt that mine is named after another ‘Peanut’. What do you mean you don’t see how funny that is?

Well it did. Last night. I was snowing.

I did my usual zombie wake up routine, looked out the window and did a double take.

Cars are covered in white. People are still driving them.

People are scraping them off surfaces into snowballs and walking off with a big smile, devious snowball filled schemes running through their minds.

I tell you, I almost skipped through the streets.

Of all the things that make me feel like not working, snow is the best one (I can think of right now).

Danny
London

UPDATED

The day is ending. Hopefully it will snow again.

People were in a great mood today. People told me of their snow memories. A little girl in starbacks was jumping up and down and looking out the window, amazed at the sky.

It was great leveller.

Em made a snowman. We all took photos. I went for a wander through the gardens.

It made for a lovely day, and for such a simple reason. A reminder that I am living in an amazing world.

Danny

Or when I hear the word culture, I reach for my revolver.

When did Racism become taboo? Why are we so embarrassed by the fact that there are racists in the world, living amongst us? Why can’t we admit there is a problem.

Australia has flaired up with a debate on ‘nationalism’, which is basically another word for racism. Partiotism is also another word for racism.

The debate revolves around the Sydney Big Day Out Festival discouraging people from bringing Australian Flags into the festival. They point to the violence and racism of last year’s festival, caused by people using the Australian flag as a symbol fo superiority and elitism.

How can I put this bluntly? People with the flag were breaking the noses of people who didn’t.

Australia has been on a downhill slide for a long time. I remember Pauline. The Cronulla Riots. This. Someone could write a fascinating book about the history of racial intolerance in Australia. The White Australia Policy. Villawood. One Nation. Her track record is embarrassing. A lost beacon of the white western world stuck in the middle of nowhere.

I’ve moved out of Australia. For many reasons. I love a lot about Australia. It’s culture, it’s weather, it’s foods, it’s natural beauty. But I don’t miss the people, in general. There is something very wrong there, that something as terrible as the Cronulla Riots can flair up, but we are told it was not an act of racism.

God forbid we admit our problems and deal with it. Instead we put the monster asleep until it wakes again. And it will by a 2 dollar shop Australian Flag when it does.

So why take the flags away at all, if it’s so bad? Because something has to be done and our leaders are either unwilling – or even scarier – unsupportive.

For me, my view of Australia is when I look over Sydney’s Darling Harbour, when I see the some what tacky attempts of modernity, the open air, the beautiful water, and that mad mix of culture. We are right below Asia, we have a strong continental European community, and we are a bright, vibrant diverse face. We are multi-cultural.

Our leaders. I don’t know what they see when they look out, but I don’t think we see the same thing. I really don’t understand how being Australian can be anything but a mix bag of of the many cultures that makes us up.

I’m not missing Australia today. I’m feeling quite embarrassed about being Australian, just days before my first Australia Day abroad in twenty odd years. And I don’t see it getting better.

Paris.

You put jugglers in my throat
And breakdancers in my chest.

It’s been a while since a proper update. Here we go.

Emily has arrived in London. There was a golden year there when we worked at Warners and we used to joke around. Being back at Warners and having her around, it feels both comfortable and frighteningly familiar. Even the desks and the atmosphere are kind of 2003.

We went to great New Years party that was as random as it was fun. The highlight was at 5am, when we had no idea how to get home and out of nowhere the clouds parted and provided us with a cab.

Since then work has definitely kicked into gear. Been spending a lot of time at work but that is fine, it’s keeping me occupied. I’m living 5 minutes from the office so I can go home for lunch, and sleep in til the absolute last minute.

I have been having a few sleepless nights. But I’m definitely keeping busy. Meeting lots of people, going to drinks and parties, but not many gigs yet. I have tickets to the Fratellis and Ash at the moment. The weather has been quite mild and if anything negative has to be said about the whole thing, it’s that it already feels quite like a normal life.

I miss the travelling quite a bit especially now it’s warmed up. Had a long chat with Adrian and he helped me realise that maybe staying in London for the next three years or whatever may actually be a worse case scenario. And I can’t forget Europe is just across the water. To that end, this morning, I booked a Eurostar to Paris and will stay the weekend. I love Paris.

Otherwise London has been lovely to me. I’m in Kensington and on Sundays I walk through Hyde Park into Soho. I’ve been gawking at guitars and MacBooks. Yesterday I finally went to the Tate Modern, which I can only describe as breathless. Photos when I get my new laptop, don’t you worry.

I’ve also decided to explore British culture more, now that I’m hear. I re-read the last Harry Potter, and started on a John Peel biography. I’ve been watching This Life. Listening to the radio. Getting into the vibe. I have lots of books I will finally read – Trainspotting, Saturday Night And Sunday Morning, some Sherlock Holmes.

Today I’m at work, trying not to drown in it. My feet hurt from walking. But it’s getting better all the time.

Danny
London